I took this girl out a couple days ago. I made the mistake of drinking a little too much sakè on our date to be all that certain how I feel about her.
In the past I’ve rushed into relationships because I get caught up in the moment. I become infatuated awfully easy, especially with women, beautiful women. It isn’t even a sexual thing, I mean it’s that too but, it’s so much more than that.
The problem is that I fall in love with people on a regular basis. But it’s not the person I love, it’s the idea of being with that ideal person who has become the object of my desire that I love.
You see ideals can be perfect, people can not. Somehow I can never remember that until it’s too late. If you are familiar with the maxim that cautions us to never meet our idols, lest we destroy the image we have of them in our minds, then you will notice that this is something similar. There are times that I feel for someone, man or woman, that I feel it so intensely that it becomes overwhelming and I immediately know that I must be near and close to that person. And that is my biggest mistake because as soon as I come to know that person that I desire, I destroy them.
All at once I am made aware of reality and it’s imperfections and I am then forced to accept that person I’ve come to know as they are, killing the ideal instantly, along with any and all feeling I had for them. And it hurts, it hurts so very bad because for a moment you were perfect and for a single moment you were mine.